


A House With A Garden

by actuallyko



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Drabble, I am so sorry, Jean's POV, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-11
Updated: 2014-04-11
Packaged: 2018-01-18 23:53:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1447606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actuallyko/pseuds/actuallyko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Hey, Marco... Is that you?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	A House With A Garden

**Author's Note:**

> i usually never write angst or other sad things. i dont even know how that happened. i apologize in advance. 
> 
> but yeah, not beta-ed, so if you see any mistakes point them out to me i would be very grateful!

_Hey, Marco, what happened?_  
  
Didn’t we want to join the military police together?  
Didn’t you want to serve under the king and didn’t I want to enjoy the security and the luxury inside Wall Sina?  
What did our plans become?  
All of our dreams, they disappeared. Fell down the deep abyss of reality.  
Our dreams collapsed when I saw you lying there.  
  
I will never be able to banish this image from my mind. Do I even want to do that?  
Your death brought me back to earth.  
We are only foot soldiers who are marching towards the artillery, with our weapons on our backs and our hands tied.  
  
If only I could have held your hand one more time. Could have held it tight and never let go again.  
Why couldn’t I do anything?  
  
 _Hey, Marco… say… which of these bones was yours again?_  
  
Your body was ablaze. You were a fallen angel, a shooting star that was slowly burning out.  
The ash in the air rained down on our heads, covered us in an impervious silence.  
  
I made a decision back then.  
I joined the survey corps.  
Would you have done the same, had I died in your stead?  
  
What I saw on that ill-fated day, it shook me awake.  
How was I supposed to keep on living my dream without having you by my side?  
How was I supposed to revel in security and luxury while my comrades are possibly being eaten out there?  
  
I _had_ to do it. You do understand, right, Marco?  
  
Without you it’s not the same anymore.  
  
At night the shadows of the past chase me; this one damned image has been etched on my memory.  
  
You. The way you are lying there. Lifeless. Pale. Your face incomplete. Where are your freckles? Faded. Like your smile.  
  
You. Your body, your empty gaze.  
  
 _Dead_.  
  
You are dead.  
  
And no one knows how it happened.  
  
I hate this world out there. We are insignificant pawns on a chess boards, can always go forward, but never go back. We stop if something crosses our path.  
  
Marco, how did your voice sound again?  
  
 _I can’t remember_.  
  
I hear them shout something. They are shouting my name. Is that fear in their voices?  
  
I am afraid, too.  
  
Marco, how did it feel? Did it hurt a lot? I am afraid. I hope you had a quick death. I can’t stand it, thinking your death was painful.  
  
Once again, voices that are trying to get through to me. The cart beneath me jumps and shakes up and down.  
  
I tilt my head back towards the sky. Thousands of leaves above me, a soft green. Behind them the occasional sun rays that apparently want to greet me, that are caressing my cold cheek.  
  
The voices are telling me to stay awake, to not close my eyes under any circumstances.  
  
Why would I want to close my eyes? I would miss the green leaves and golden light.  
  
I imagine how it would have been if I had never joined the military — and you either.  
  
I like to imagine that we would have yet found each other somehow.  
You would have been my best friend and we would have led a happy life, isolated from all those horror stories about titans.  
  
We would have enjoyed the warm sun while lying in the grass together in summer and in winter we would have sat together in front of the fireplace with some books.  
We would have bought a house with a garden.  
We would have gone to the market together and would have cooked together afterwards.  
  
After dinner, I would have held your hand in mine, our fingers intertwined like two pieces of a puzzle; like we were made for each other. And I wouldn’t have let go of your hand. Ever.  
  
We are two halves of a whole.  
  
Marco, I miss you so much.  
  
The voices are starting to quiet down, but instead a new voice is talking to me. You are telling me that I shouldn’t be afraid, that everything will be okay.  
  
Your voice. I remember it again. So warm. When I hear you speak, I feel comfortable, as if I’m home.  
  
I am almost there, at our house with the garden. The door is still closed, leaves me standing here in the cold. The windows are framed with red flowers. The sky is grey and a light rain drizzles down on me.  
  
 _Stay with us_ , the faraway voices are shouting.  
  
But why would I want to stay with you? When I have just now reached my home?  
  
I raise my hand and knock four times on the door.  
  
Footsteps. A key turns inside the lock. The door opens slowly.  
  
The face of an old friend welcomes me.  
  
I fall into your open arms and with my last breath and with a smile on my face I ask:  
  
 _„Hey, Marco… Is that you?“_

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr](http://actuallyko.tumblr.com) to tell me how horrible i am


End file.
